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Please?" He nodded, and shooed everyone out. When he closed the door, I was sitting up, staring at him. "Can you, or anyone, teach an old Marine how to be the girl he has always wanted to be?" When he came over and hugged me, the flood began. The wailing brought the nurse and orderlies, and my shrink had to scream at them to get out. When I saw Michael at the door, I gave him a "thumbs-up", and he nodded, and smiled before he wheeled away.When my shrink left, he also left orders that from now on I was to be addressed as Nickie. I was afraid Michael would freak or be disgusted with me. Instead, I got hugs and some of his tears. The next few days were a blur. I was only restrained at night, and with great effort managed to use the washroom myself, threatening to put the next bedpan I saw into orbit. Or where the sun didn't shine.If it wasn't for Michael's support, the disapproving looks and comments from some of the staff and other patients might have made me turn back. But I was. However, this time, I realized it first, so I could keep my head in the situation. I knew what I wanted from him, and I knew that he was willing to oblige me. Then again, maybe it was this difference that made him my favorite. He wasn’t the first person who I said ‘I love you’ to, and he most likely wasn’t going to be the last, but I had the uncanny feeling that there was some lasting quality about him, something innately special about this time that improved my chances of not ruining the memory of him as I had the others. I wasn’t thinking about these things when I was with him though. These thoughts only come once he’s gone. When I’m in the moment, I don’t care about anything else. Don’t get me wrong, I still maintain a level of responsibility and sanity, but sometimes, saying the wrong thing can ruin the moment entirely. This is why we rarely spoke when we were completely alone. My thoughts, the room, the outside world…everything was gone. It was just me and him. I felt the.
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